On Come the Men / New Horizons

from Gourd in the Act by Totally Gourdgeous

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Baterz wrote this song but never recorded it apart from a loungeroom recording that finishes before the end (aarrgghh!). When Baterz died, Mal did an arrangement of it with Deb Lowe singing which was on Baterz tribute CD. Mal incorporated the channel 9 cricket theme ("New Horizons" by Brian Bennett) into the chorus (on brass) and in this arrangement it, Andrew plays it on mandolin.
As there's no recording of Baterz doing the rave at the end, Mal made one up for this recording (from "Men tending barbeques" onwards).


On Come the Men
©Barnaby Ward

It's 3:30am, I’m watching television
And the cricket comes on, it comes on
The huge field is empty, except for several seagulls
The announcer’s talking nonsense
On come the men
Ugly sweaty men with huge moustaches
And excessive amounts of zinc creme
And they’re doing things that only cricket players do

On another channel, it’s time for the music
There a women in bikinis riding motorcycles
Back in the stadium, there’s a whole stack of Marshalls
Spotlights waving crazily
On come the men
Ugly hairy men, with ridiculous tattoos
All over their bodies, thrusting the floor

Now I’m awake, I’ve been sleeping at my friend’s house
It’s the hour of power, it’s the Christians
10,000 Americans all squashed up together
How do they stand it, I wonder
On come the men
Men with huge chins and no noses
They have the answers and they’re going to heal us
Men on the beach
Men tending barbeques
Men wearing lycra and high viz
Men turning off leaf blowers
Men doing darning
Men riding electric bicycles
Men making up bedtime stories
Men asking for directions
Men fixing a flat tyre on a wheelchair
Men building windfarms
Men dwelling on the concept of considering contemplation
Men calling out other men for being dodgy
Men being proud of their compost
Men owning their stuff ups


from Gourd in the Act, released January 10, 2020
Written by Baterz (Barnaby Ward)
On this recording, sung by Mal Webb


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Totally Gourdgeous Melbourne, Australia

Four outrageously diverse singer-songwriter-musicians united under Gourd. Indeed, playing instruments made from those woody cucurbits brings their music together to make folk funk philosophy to feed your wildest pumpkin longings. Penelope Swales (guitar), Carl Pannuzzo (drums), Mal Webb (bass, mbira and bugle) and Andrew Clermont (violin, mandolin and guitar). Instigated in 1998. ... more

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